help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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