five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
