OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
