Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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