shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
