good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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