My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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