Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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