omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
