this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
