How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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