I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
