my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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