Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
