yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
