her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
