I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
