Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
