...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
