im having a threesome with these popsicles
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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