Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
