Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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