I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
