He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
