No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She even gives head with a lisp.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
