My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
