I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
