Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
