If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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