apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
