Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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