It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
