Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
