lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
