Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
