My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
