Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
