the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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