New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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