In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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