I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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