then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
What a dumb baby whore.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
