some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
