I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
