Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
