Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
