I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
