I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
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she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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