She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
