I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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