We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
