Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
