dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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