My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just had sex on a roof
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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