Where did you get a picture of my penis
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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