Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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