In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
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Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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