Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
