sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
