Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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