that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
