The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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