i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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