He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
