So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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