help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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